So I have spent a lot of time on mypsace recently. Neglecting my art. I am very pleased to announce my new inspiration. This inspiration however came at a cost. Few may think so, but I know so. I lost someone special to me. Someone who loved me more than I ever though possible. Someone who gave me their heart and soul and I played with it, regretfully. But most of all ignorantly, for I did not know this love. This love so deep it consumes you and becomes you. They had given me everything that I could have possibly wanted and I was selfish with it. I was fed and clothed, sheltered and loved, what more can someone ask for? Chances are the person I speak of with read this, hopefully they do for this is my formal apology. One that I have been trying to make for a few months now but did not have the means to until now. But first...
Once upon a time we promised each other to be friends even after the "unlikely" break up. We swore. As young lovers do. Oh boy did we swear that if and when that unmentionable happened, we would still be friends. But now I find myself waiting for my friend to return. Wanting to look into those eyes and hear that laugh but most of all know this person is surviving and flourishing. I want to gaze deep into their soul and know that everything is just as fine as they claim. I did damage in my naivete. I under estimated their strength and comprehension. And for this I payed. I gave up the only person that has ever loved me
Lani-
I know you will not accept any apology I make but I am making one anyway. I managed to fuck up in every way possible. All of that I regret, all but the simple fact of falling in love with you on the stairs the day I skipped class to watch the first footage of the movie. I think had I been able to understand and comprehend your love I may have been a better boyfriend. I am sorry that I was not there for you in all the ways you were there for me. I am sorry I could not love you the way you loved me. As I write this I am reminded of just how little I reciprocated in our relationship. But now I understand what it to love someone so deeply. It was upon this realization that I felt all the regret and sadness that comes with losing your best friend and 2 and a half years of your life.